Your Wedding Day
Your Way
What to ExpectA wedding is, at its core, two people deciding to share their lives. You might do that quietly, with an elopement or a small gathering, or you might bring together all the different strands of your lives for something larger and more celebratory.
My bounty is as boundless as the sea…
Juliet, Romeo & Juliet
I couldn’t do this work if I didn’t believe in love. Not in a sentimental way, but in the idea that we are, at times, greater together than we are alone. That love can offer companionship, stability, and occasionally something close to the sublime. It also involves compromise, re-negotiation, and, for some, a fair amount of bickering. All of that is part of it.
A wedding ceremony isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about recognising what is good. Who you are, the choices you’ve made, the people who’ve shaped you, and what you hope for next.
A registrar will take care of the legal side. My role is different. I help you think about what this moment means, and how you want to mark it. Because the words do matter.
I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings.
Taylor Swift, Paper Rings
I’ve married couples who met at school, on apps, in passing, across countries and continents. When we meet, I want to understand who you are: what you love, what you argue about, what you watch, read, listen to. These details often find their way into the ceremony.
Many of the lines I use come from the couples themselves, or from the things they love. One couple’s first date was watching The Office, which led to this:
“When you are a kid, you assume your parents are going to be your soulmates. Our kids are going to be right about that.”
Pam, The Office
It is my experience and my belief that we each have a different story, but that there is more that unifies us than keeps us apart.
Ultimately my job is about love.
How it worksOur first chat – getting to know you, listening to your story
Once you’ve decided you want to work with me we meet, in person or online, it doesn’t matter, I’ve even met one couple for a hike! We talk for a couple of hours, about the logistics of the wedding day itself, the nitty gritty of the ceremony, and then we talk about you. I don’t have a set list of interview questions, as I usually get a sense of what level of sharing a couple might be comfortable with, and it might be that we spend ten minutes talking about your cat or about the meaning of life. Both are valid!
My first degree is in languages, and in some ways my work as a celebrant is to translate you. Hence zany couples end up with zany ceremonies, philosophical couples get thoughtful ceremonies, and family-orientated couples get ceremonies that involve mums or dads or kids. I am not what I call a ‘jazz hands’ celebrant. My ceremonies do often have some humour in them but only when it’s appropriate and always with depth and warmth.
After our chatYou relax, I write.
My modus operandi is that I write a ceremony to be a surprise for you on the day. You are more than welcome to nominate a friend or family member to act as an editor to look over the written ceremony before the date, and fact check it for me. But it is my experience that the ceremony has the most potency when you are hearing it for the first time at the altar. Having said that, I always offer a Whatsapp Chat with couples for the months running up to the wedding. I check in with you, you can keep me updated with any changes or worries or fears. I am a bit of a wedding agony aunt in that respect. And I usually ask couples to share a playlist of favourite songs with me as it helps me get into your groove.
The Day Zero stress, nice dress.
I arrive early. I check in with the bride, I check in with mums, with the groom, with the best man. I find out where the ring is, chat with the musicians if there are any, introduce myself to the venue hosts and wedding planners and make sure that we are all singing from the same hymn book and everyone knows where they need to be when the bride arrives. You will have a designated time for the wedding but if you have guests who are running late or a sudden bout of last minute nerves, it’s no bother, I’m not on a time-schedule, I’m there for you.
I always prepare a printed copy of the document for you to have as keepsakes. Couples often enjoy reading this in peace some weeks or months after the wedding day has passed. I disappear from the wedding party when it is right to do so, but there isn’t a couple that I’ve met who hasn’t stayed on in my heart.